Surround Yourself With Positive Men and More Will Follow

I realized I've manage to surrounded myself with undependable men in my life.  Sadly the major players are a few men in my own family and even a few guy friends.  I guess I've subconsciously taught myself that is just how men are.  They leave you when the chips are down. They are huge flakers or are unwilling to help in tough situations (i.e. moving, car, etc...) They only come around when it's convenient for them or they are just down right disrespectful.  I somehow attract these kind of guys in my life and fall in love with them because it's the only type of men I've ever known, so I didn't know any better.  And since I've haven't had any good examples I may have passed up a few good ones or simply wasn't attracted to them.  After experiencing a long pattern of rejection and contemplating where it all comes from, I'm fully conscious and aware of the kind of man I do deserve in my life.  So that means I am stopping myself from trying to reach out or be around negative men who just suck the positivity right out of me.  I am now focusing and taking mental note of the few men who are actually wonderful.  I make sure I remember they're positive energy and how I always feel good when I am around them, that way I will really know the good ones when ever they do come around.  Every woman should exercise this type of thinking instead of focusing on all the negative aspects of men because sooner or later we won't even recognize or attract the bad ones. THINK THIS: Only dependable, helpful, friendly, respectful, and humorous Men exist in my world. 

Meeting Guys at Bars or Clubs

RULE: Don't take them seriously. Instead have some serious fun.

Why do we go out to drink? Because we just want to have a good time or we're alcoholics right?  Either way we're all trying to find some temporary happiness or a stress release.  Some people think a bar or a club is a good place to find a lover, and that may have happened to some people but for me not at all.  Truthfully, guys at bars/clubs are not looking for something serious and neither should you.  We are all there for the same reason, just to have a good time.  If you happen to give a guy your number from a bar, that's exactly what he wants with you, is have a good time and that's pretty much it.  I've never in my entire life of dating have I started a relationship with someone I've met after a night of drinking.  I've dated people from my church, school, and work place (maybe a hip hop concert, but that didn't go too well).  I was able to spark a relationship because I got to know these guys at a more positive and sober playing field.  I know what I am saying is pretty much a given but I honestly think there are women still out there thinking that maybe just maybe they will find someone to love them after downing a few vodka Redbulls, then grinding to some Ying Yang Twins.  I'll admit that I have given/gotten a few numbers when going out but honestly I just immediately delete the number the next day.  I figure if they were really interested then they will call or text. However, I know exactly what they are interested in and it isn't my views on Prop whatever.  Anyway, I'm doing this new thing that I'm not going to think all men are a**holes.  So I am suggesting that we can use these guys that we meet at a bar as a opportunity to have more fun instead.  I would never ask any of these guys for a date or anything serious because I know that isn't their MO.  Instead if I do hear from them or decide to hit them up I will ask them about any suggestions of a good place to have a drink or get my groove on.  Usually, these guys want to see you again but in a not so serious setting like another club or bar so might as well be a super fun place.  Also these kinds of guys will usually ask you to bring your friends because he got his boys coming with him as well. In the words of Puff Daddy, "Tell your friends, to get with my friends and we can be friends. Shit we can do this every weekend..."  Sounds like fun to me.  I mean you never know this guy may not be the one but hey one of his friends may be. Haha! What I am really trying to say is if you can keep your emotions in check and not take these guys too seriously, why not use them to our advantage?  Not only will they be a good tool to find a cooler spot to get down, but more opportunities for some legit fun and who knows maybe the "next" one.  ;)

Note: Always put yourself first of course. Your happiness and yours alone is what matters the most. <3 

Double Note: I'm not condoning or judging casual sex but refer back to Note above.

Drunk Texting and Sober Emailing

First off I believe I owe my readers a back story of my break up with my Ex.  My Ex and I knew each other since high school and had secret crushes on each other as well but we never dated.  We recently reconnected less than two years ago on FaceBook and the rest is history.  Basically, before my Ex and I started dating he just got out of a 2 in a half year serious relationship with someone else and she lived with him.  We started dating about a month or two after his breakup.  To make a long story short he wasn't ready to be in another relationship.  It was all bad timing.  He started to realize that he needed time to figure out his own shit and wasn't really ready to commit his time to someone else.  And what sucks is that I absolutely knew that for a fact, but I was just happy to finally be in a relationship. I just didn't listen to my Higher Self.  Anyway ever since our break up it's been a battle of forgiveness, acceptance, and hope of spending time together again.  Also we have a bad habit of drunk texting and calling each other from time to time. 

Recently after a night of drinking, I took part in an angry drunken text attack to my Ex but only because I know my Ex is still a good person I felt bad.  So a sober apology email was written the next day.  I know I'm probably putting myself on blast but I believe it's something that we all go through and I don't mind sharing what I've written to him.  I believe it still has power to heal me and whoever feels they are going through the same thing. Enjoy.

Drunk Texting, typos and all:

Me: Don't ever call me drunk and say you miss me (hang out with me soon)

cuz u don't fucking mean it

Me: I  have a fucking heart you know

Me: As much as I feel fine without you

I don't appreciate that I still had some

stupid ass hope you still cared about me

Ex: I've hesitated to call you because of your booty

call. That's not what I meant when I said hang out.

Ex: I don't want that kind of relationship with you.

It's not possible

Me: What? Fuck you. What girl actually wants a booty cal

Me: You obviously don't fucking know me. It was some fucking 

feeble attempt to hang out with you dumb asd

Ex: Excuse me for misunderstanding. Can we talk about this tomorrow?

Me: Really like really? That's what stopped u because I turned into some sex fiend whore? Fuck you. I wanted to be intimate with you cuz you're the only person I was with like that

Me: Because you think***

Ex: I know that, that's not what I meant  I didn't think that I just didn't want you to think i was using you or something

Me: Either way oh fucking well I missed you. You could have just said all this in the first plave

Me: place

Me: That's why I just don't believe

Ex: Ok. Sorry.

  

The next day...

Me: Check your email.

Apology Letter:

*****,

I want to apologize for the cursing attack last night.  All of have to say it was a build of from the past two weeks after you told me you wanted to hang out with me again. I don't trust you *****. I don't trust that you want me back in your life.  So I totally expected that you would not come through last week, grant it you had an excuse of a "bad day" and going back home to Stockton, so it soften the blow of getting let down.  Then you said we'll plan for next week and my emotions were battling each other.  I wanted to believe you but something inside of me said you're just going to let me down again and giving me false hope.  So that "booty call" last Thursday was only powered by my ego, low self esteem, and fear that you didn't really mean what you said.  I totally regretted doing that as soon as I got off the phone with you.  I keep forgetting that you are deep down an awesome rare gentlemen.  Either way it was an attempt to make you come my way on my terms because I didn't trust that you would do it on your own.

I still find ways to keep pushing you away apparently and it sucks.  I'm finally getting the hang of focusing on my own absolute happiness and everyday it gets better and better.  All I have were ups since you left me. My only down fall was trying to get you back in my life again.  When I know for a fact it's YOU who has to try to come back in my life.  On the real, all I want is my friend back.  I am at such an amazing place in my life right now and there's so many things that I done, discovered, and handled these past two months.  Everyday I'm staying as positive as I can.  It seems that everyday positive things, people, chances, and opportunities keep happening and I wish I could just call you up and tell you about them like it was a normal thing that we do.  I really wish you knew me or stuck around a little longer to get to know me better.  I don't hate you, as much as I want to I can't and I don't think I'll ever will.  It is because you gave me a gift of letting this relationship go and opening a chance of a better love. Love for myself.  I'm surrounded by friends with the most fucked up relationships imaginable and it all really stems from people not truly knowing what they want, especially want for themselves.  At least you took a big step in ending us and it helped me take a step back and see what our relationship for what it was, a life lesson.  You know that sometimes I feel that I'm "too human," and I still and will always remember what you told me, that "I'm just the right amount of human." Booty call or not my only intentions and will always be is to show you how an amazing person you are. But all I can do is step back and let you do that on your own. 

Ex: I'll reply later on, I gotta sit down and do it. 

I agree with you on many levels and im really relieved to hear your happy. I never wanted to wrong you.

Ex: I'm slowly gaining some footing in my life the last week or so and I'm getting my head back on my shoulders.

Me: I'm very happy to hear :))) Keep doing you, I believe in you I really do even tho I attack u with emotions I ultimately want the absolute best for you but yah ttyl.

Ex: I know I appreciate it.

I'm still waiting for an email, but I'm continuing doing me. It will come when it comes.