My Affirmation to Calm Anger

One of my bosses made me extremely upset today while speaking to him on the phone.  I had to take him to that ghetto university, well I wasn't that intense but I did give him a piece of my mind.  Let's just say he deserved it and in the end he apologized but I had to quickly change my negative energy to a more positive one.  I work with high school special ed kids and they notice everything, especially when I'm not in a good mood, which is very rare since I started working there.  They inspire me to be happy everyday.  Anyway here's a useful affirmation I like to read whenever I'm feeling angry with anyone. Enjoy.  

Be your

goofy,

 happy,

clever

self

Don't let them see you frown

Don't let them see you sweat

Your thoughts create your life

Always think

of yourself as

super lovable
and more love will come 
your way 

I Like Being Single Part 2: Dedicated to the Serial Daters & Boys Who Treat Girls Like Pez

Sorry! I just can't stop writing.  Today I've posted an affirmation on Facebook that I've wanted to post on here and expand:

Truth: I'd rather be single any day than be in a relationship that's built on guilt, convenience, or fear of being alone.

Honestly, I would love to make a song out of this but anyway here's a more deeper take of this realization that's been running through my head lately.  

GUILT: 

Don't and I repeat don't ever get into a relationship because you feel like you owe it to that person. You don't owe anything to anyone until you are truly ready to give without any fear or resentment. Especially if you've cheated on that person or thought about cheating.  If you do have these feelings then that person isn't the one for you. Being in a relationship out of guilt will only lead you to resenting that person because everything will be done out of obligation and not priority.  On the other side of the coin, if you feel like whoever you are dating isn't ready to fully commit, then don't force them into something that you know they don't really want or don't let them commit if you feel there's any slight of hesitation.  I've learned this the hard way.  I knew my ex wasn't ready to start a whole new relationship but the fact that he asked me fueled my ego into saying yes, when deep down inside I knew he wasn't ready but for some reason I didn't think I was strong enough to be on my own.  Also my fear of rejection took over as well. In the end I was rejected anyways because he wasn't being true to himself and neither was I.  I've learned that true love never has second doubts or shame, it should be a loud and proud.

CONVENIENCE:

I know there's couples out there that are only together because that's all they know.  They're not even in love anymore but they've been together for so long that it's scary to even think to start over.  However, it's not true love if you're with this person because rent is cheaper that way, or there's a warm body in bed.  If you're not even enjoying that person in your life anymore, then why are you even with them? They are only holding you back from what you really want, a connection, a desire, an appreciation of who you are.  Most of these kinds of couples barely have anything to say to each other and when they do it's mostly arguments of the same shit over and over again.  If you're unhappy and shit is not getting better then you owe it to yourself to get the fuck out.  I know that it's easier said than done, but the more you wait the harder it will become.

FEAR OF BEING ALONE:

I mean it's self explanatory.  Pretty much all these feelings stems from not wanting to be alone.  But we owe it to ourselves to really figure out who and what the fuck we want in our lives.  If you just start some random relationship with someone out of lonliness, YOU ARE SETTLING. Pretty soon down the road you'll figure out this person is completely wrong for you.  You've basically wasted your precious time and energy from figuring out who you are and what you deserve.  If you're alone, that's great! Enjoy it, because sooner or later you'll find someone to get on your nerves and then you'll miss those days of pickin' and choosin' or keeping it movin'.  

Ultimately, being Single for a while is the only gateway drug to true happiness. Love yourself better, then you will find yourself a better lover.

Break Through: I LIKE BEING SINGLE

So I was listening to a self help CD by Louise Hay called "You Can Heal Your Life," and she brought up addictions. Not just the kind of addictions you get from substance abuse but she brought up emotional addictions such as addiction to rejection. She said if you're constantly attracting people to reject you then you must be rejecting something about yourself.  I guess the truth is that I am. I'm rejecting the fact that I'm not okay with being single.  I have to be true to myself before I can heal myself.  Today before I even had the chance to listen to that part of my CD, I was feeling overwhelmingly emotional.  My mom hit a trigger within me that deals with counting on men and then tears started running down my face.  I've been let down by some major men in my life. Such as my Dad, my brother, and a few boyfriends here and there.  It's all rejection issues.  If anything this emotion is anger and resentment towards men.  My relationship with my Dad has been a working progress and a long story.  Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I was rejecting the fact that it's okay that I have to go through a lot of my own issues i.e. moving out, car troubles on my own.  I kept attracting all these guys who only wanted to reject me because I was focusing too much on needing someone, while deep down I knew I couldn't really count on them.  So I realized that I shouldn't carry so much hurt and anger because I don't have a man to help me with these things. I need to stop focusing on the negative and zone in on the positives of all of this.  Then I know I will be able to attract the kind of people that I really need and deserve in my life.  Basically, I and maybe we all need to remember and affirm that:  

Being single is an amazing experience.  

Being single is life's sifter to reveal what I really want and deserve. 

Being single is one of life's biggest challenges, so I shouldn't be too hard on myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed.  

I'm a woman and it's natural to want to be wanted.  

Being single is necessary for learning to truly love yourself.  

Being single will lead me to my true love because I have learned to truly love myself. 

I Love These Women!

Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful Mom and my wonderful Sister.  Even though sometimes I get into it with these women they end up balancing me out and making me a stronger woman.  I strive to make them proud and they do an amazing job on letting me know how proud they are of me.  But today I want to say how much they inspire me, teach me, challenge me and how much that means to me. At the very end of the day we all love each other very deeply.  I couldn't ask for a better Mom or Sister, I would never ask for a better Mom or Sister.  God made them exactly who they should be and I thank him everyday for that.

Slipping.

Sometimes we slip up. Today I've been thinking about waaay too many things I shouldn't be thinking about lately.  I've been thinking about all the things I don't have and the only thing I don't have is someone to love or get to know other than myself.  I know, I know, I have better things to worry about but sometimes I can't help but think like damn, I deserve at least a good date or two.  Anyway, I'm trying my best to let things like that come to me because I know all too well when I'm the chaser it's just ends in rejection.  I have the absolute worst case of rejection issues.  It's bad because most of the time I'm searching for rejection, I invite it, text it, email it, or call it.  I for some reason accepted that getting rejected is the norm as truth.  I guess I've confused being a fool as hope.  Sometimes those lines are very blurry and I guess my excuse is that I don't care that they are sometimes.  Also I feel like I attract flakers or just people who give me empty promises, and blow smoke up my ass (is that the right term?).  I don't know why!? That's the confusing part because they say you get what you put out.  All I know is that, I'm very sincere and dependable on promises.  I don't feed people lines or things they want to hear just because I think that's what they want to hear.   But it's like my mistakes are on repeat and they keeping showing up in different people but it's all the same feeling.  All I got to say now is that I want these people to stay the hell away from me, but I must learn to stay the hell away from them first. Fortunately, now I am focusing more on staying away from rejection as much as I can and holding myself back from trying to connect with certain people.  Also I've learned the more time you focus on the things you don't want show up even more.  I'm trying to train my mind to think like that, and I think I've been successful so far.  I'm exactly where I wanna be in my life, except one thing but I guess things happen for a reason.  I wish I had something more inspiring but hey this blog is called the Ramblings of a Single Girl, so here it is.

Mom Vs. Ego

     I had a fight with my Mom today. She hurt my feelings, no lie.  However, she is the one who has provided me with these wonderful sources of self help books and CDs.  Instead of the role of Mom she's been the role of Spiritual Teacher/provider.  But today we bumped heads, and I'm starting to realize this woman can be a bit dogmatic when it comes to everything she's trying to show me.  Her idea of finding love for herself has somehow shoved out what I needed from her today. I wanted my Mom.  Sometimes I think she gets caught up in trying to keep so much negativity away from her she becomes closed minded, and too quick to judge.  That's something I feel I do from time to time when people present their problems to me.  I did it the other day to a really good friend when she was having problems with her boyfriend.  Although my intentions were out of love and wanting the best for my friend, I wasn't being a friend.  I was super-salty-only-focusing-on-one-thing-woman.  I realized I was coming off a bit harsh, judge-mental, and actually pessimistic in which I've felt was completely against what I've been trying to learn through all these self help sources.  I had to take a step back and really listen to my friend.  As soon as I started listening and taking everything that she was saying in, I immediately had nothing but hope and words of encouragement for her.  I started to soften up and affirmed that her boyfriend would call her and no joke, a minuet later he did.  Everything pretty much worked out between them after that.  My mom is going to think what she's going to think but all I know I will definitely concentrate on listening more than trying to sound right.  

So I wrote a little something out of inspiration out of the fight with my Mom:

Not everything in this world is black and white, it's made of complex systems that have infinite amounts of outcomes.  We can't be closed minded to just only one outcome and one alone.  It's not that simple. I see life as like a type of Scientific Method.  Where we have multiple test subjects.  Our first subjects are considered the "Control."  Meaning nothing is manipulating these subjects, nothing is added or changing.  This represents a very predictable and close minded why to look at things.  But what happens when we take the same subjects from that "Control,"call it Experiment 2, and add "something" in the mix. This adding of something represents change, or a chance to look at the same thing in a different way.  Lastly, let's say we make another test and call it Experiment 3 and add even more different "things" to the subjects, maybe it's the same "stuff" from Experiment 2 but this time it's more, or it could just be completely different "stuff."  This represents a self realization of things can be too little or too much.  Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it's okay to test out different outcomes because you never know which one will work out the  best for you in the long run.  If people stayed in that "controlled" experiment of life, absolutely nothing influencing them, testing them, adding to them then they would never have known what they could have become, compared themselves to, or realizing they were right all along.  But we need to have an open mind and an open heart to do these "experiments," and not fear the outcome.  Lastly, scientist uses different test/experiments for the sole purpose of accurate data to support their hypothesis. You can't prove anything with only one "experiment."  You have to understand and take accurate notes of other possibilities as well before you have an absolute conclusion.   

P.S. Without Her though, this all wouldn't have been possible, so does that mean she still wins? LOL ;)

A Blessing From A Reader (Thank You)

Yesterday Morning I was listening to a Dr. Wayne Dyer CD called "The Secrets of an Inspirational Life" that my Mom let me borrow.  It has 6 CDs all together and yesterday I only went through one but already one of his teachings presented itself to me this morning. In his first CD he discusses a very interesting observation of sometimes waking up at the same time early in the morning between the hours of 3:00-4:00am.  Lately, I've been waking up at 3:40am, 3:38am and this morning I woke up at 4:40am.  Anyway, according to Dr. Wayne Dyer during those very early times in the morning is when we are as close to our Higher Spirit than other times of the day because these are the times when everything is mostly silent. He says it's our Higher Spirit trying to speak to us and quotes an old poet Rumi, "The morning breeze has secrets. Don’t go back to sleep."  Most of the time when I wake up in the middle of the night I immediately check my phone, well because it's my only source of time.  It also leads me to checking missed phone calls, text messages and sometimes email.  

This morning when I opened my eyes to 4:40am I instantly remembered the Dr. Wayne Dyer teachings and for some reason checked my email. To my surprise I had a friend tag a picture of me exactly the same time I woke up, which I thought was weird but then I saw another interesting email.  This email was a comment on my previous blog entry.  I am besides myself right now. Whoever you were that wrote it was truly speaking to me, I felt like you were my "morning breeze secret." I felt like I was listening to one of my spiritual teachers and to whoever you are I can't thank you enough. What you said was so powerful that I had to stay awake and write this new entry.  I have no words but Thank You and God Bless you.  For my Readers now I suggest you refer back to my last entry and read the comment below that was left from an "UNKNOWN" but amazing source. Everything that this person, this "UNKNOWN" source said to me was exactly what I needed to hear but I'm going to quote what struck me the most.

" Friendships with exes are something very rare. In my philosophy, you never stop loving someone.  If you loved them, then you always will. If you do not love them, then you never truly loved them in the first place. You say you want what is best for him, but give yourself respect, and want what is best for you. In life, you have yourself to rely on. Love yourself before loving anyone else more... By keeping a friendship right now, you are tortuting yourself. You are hanging on his words...the second he said he would talk later, you got a huge smile and felt warm inside. I understand that feeling, I have been there. But, at that moment, all the mean things he has said or done or have hurt you disappeared, and all you heard was "talk later" and you clung to it. I cannot stress enough...cut him off... If it is supposed to be, it will be! There is no sense in wasting you time, effort, energy, and love on someone who doesn't return it. If he is not the one, then someone else is out there who will wear their heart on their sleeve and match you as an equal...they will be ready to let you in their life. Believe me, I know how hard this is, and I wish I could take my own advice and practice what I preach. For now, "do you" without the hopes of him realizing he wants you in his life. You may find that you don't miss him as much as you think you do once you find your own inner happiness. Do not hang onto him... When you are trying to catch a butterfly, it flies faster and more wildly doing loops and swirls, but when you ignore it and admire the garden, it will come and sit on your shoulder." 

                                 -Unknown



 BEAUTIFUL WORDS! THANK YOU! This is the reason why I'm writing this blog. I am trying to spread the power of love. The power of loving myself and Inspiring others to do the same <3.