I'm Trying To Be Single...

...because for a long time in my life, I've tried my hardest to be in a relationship.  I've noticed that my urges to search out and seek a guy to pay attention to me is pretty much under control. I'm not pinning for a guy to text me, or go out on a date with me. I'm really too busy doing me.  I've recently moved out of my place and was taking in by some wonderful friends. So naturally all my focus is making sure I'm good housemate and having fun spending time with my new roommates.  I don't have much time to be lonely anymore.  I'm just too preoccupied on figuring out my next move, literally.  I've finally have the opportunity to move to a house. I have to make sure my main focus is looking for a second good paying job and saving money.  Basically, what I'm feeling right now is a wonderful free feeling.  I'm at peace with who I am.  I no longer try to fill myself up with someone else because I no longer feel that I need to. I'm very close to perfecting "measuring my worth not by whom [I'm] dating, but rather who [I] am."

Surround Yourself With Positive Men and More Will Follow

I realized I've manage to surrounded myself with undependable men in my life.  Sadly the major players are a few men in my own family and even a few guy friends.  I guess I've subconsciously taught myself that is just how men are.  They leave you when the chips are down. They are huge flakers or are unwilling to help in tough situations (i.e. moving, car, etc...) They only come around when it's convenient for them or they are just down right disrespectful.  I somehow attract these kind of guys in my life and fall in love with them because it's the only type of men I've ever known, so I didn't know any better.  And since I've haven't had any good examples I may have passed up a few good ones or simply wasn't attracted to them.  After experiencing a long pattern of rejection and contemplating where it all comes from, I'm fully conscious and aware of the kind of man I do deserve in my life.  So that means I am stopping myself from trying to reach out or be around negative men who just suck the positivity right out of me.  I am now focusing and taking mental note of the few men who are actually wonderful.  I make sure I remember they're positive energy and how I always feel good when I am around them, that way I will really know the good ones when ever they do come around.  Every woman should exercise this type of thinking instead of focusing on all the negative aspects of men because sooner or later we won't even recognize or attract the bad ones. THINK THIS: Only dependable, helpful, friendly, respectful, and humorous Men exist in my world. 

Meeting Guys at Bars or Clubs

RULE: Don't take them seriously. Instead have some serious fun.

Why do we go out to drink? Because we just want to have a good time or we're alcoholics right?  Either way we're all trying to find some temporary happiness or a stress release.  Some people think a bar or a club is a good place to find a lover, and that may have happened to some people but for me not at all.  Truthfully, guys at bars/clubs are not looking for something serious and neither should you.  We are all there for the same reason, just to have a good time.  If you happen to give a guy your number from a bar, that's exactly what he wants with you, is have a good time and that's pretty much it.  I've never in my entire life of dating have I started a relationship with someone I've met after a night of drinking.  I've dated people from my church, school, and work place (maybe a hip hop concert, but that didn't go too well).  I was able to spark a relationship because I got to know these guys at a more positive and sober playing field.  I know what I am saying is pretty much a given but I honestly think there are women still out there thinking that maybe just maybe they will find someone to love them after downing a few vodka Redbulls, then grinding to some Ying Yang Twins.  I'll admit that I have given/gotten a few numbers when going out but honestly I just immediately delete the number the next day.  I figure if they were really interested then they will call or text. However, I know exactly what they are interested in and it isn't my views on Prop whatever.  Anyway, I'm doing this new thing that I'm not going to think all men are a**holes.  So I am suggesting that we can use these guys that we meet at a bar as a opportunity to have more fun instead.  I would never ask any of these guys for a date or anything serious because I know that isn't their MO.  Instead if I do hear from them or decide to hit them up I will ask them about any suggestions of a good place to have a drink or get my groove on.  Usually, these guys want to see you again but in a not so serious setting like another club or bar so might as well be a super fun place.  Also these kinds of guys will usually ask you to bring your friends because he got his boys coming with him as well. In the words of Puff Daddy, "Tell your friends, to get with my friends and we can be friends. Shit we can do this every weekend..."  Sounds like fun to me.  I mean you never know this guy may not be the one but hey one of his friends may be. Haha! What I am really trying to say is if you can keep your emotions in check and not take these guys too seriously, why not use them to our advantage?  Not only will they be a good tool to find a cooler spot to get down, but more opportunities for some legit fun and who knows maybe the "next" one.  ;)

Note: Always put yourself first of course. Your happiness and yours alone is what matters the most. <3 

Double Note: I'm not condoning or judging casual sex but refer back to Note above.

Affirmation

"I need to look at things for what they are and not what I wished they should be. But in the end find peace with it."


As you know Reader I am having problems with letting go, so this will be one of many affirmations I am going to write myself throughout this blog to help me.  I've figured out that holding on to things that only serve a purpose of keeping me in stuck in a rut has become a mental pattern.  I can't help that I have a romantic imagination and it's actually wonderful to have fantasies.  However, I think when I don't get those fantasies fulfilled I completely shutdown.  First I will hate the person for letting me down then I attack myself for having those types of ideas in the first place.  I need to remember that letting go and forgiveness come hand in hand.  I need to remember to not only let go of the situation but forgive the perpetrator and finally forgive myself.  Then eventually my overwhelming feeling of guilt and angry will lessen because I will have perfected the way of looking at things, both differently and realistically.  

Bad Habits and Bad Puns

Everyone has a bad habit or two.  It can be something like picking your nose, biting hangnails, or smoking ciggies.  But I believe we have emotional bad habits too, I know emotions, emotions, this girl keeps rambling about emotions! Hey I'm an emotional girl, as you can tell from this blog but this is my outlet or else I'll be drowning my sorrows with a bottle of tequila at some random karaoke bar by now.  Anyway, I've noticed that I have a bad habit of not letting go.  I'm a clinger. Haha, not that kind of clinger but then again...nevermind.  What I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to let go of "what could have been."  Once my mind starts going down "should of, could of if only" lane it eventually rice rocket drifts into a highway to hell. (haha enjoyed all those driving puns?) Uncreatively speaking, I keep replaying all the good times I had with so and so that I start to think that I've must have done something wrong, that I was the culprit to the failing relationship.  Then I start to over analyze and obsess everything, like every relationship I ever had in my life.  It's so lame.  I don't know why my head does that from time to time.  However, I'm learning to counter all these annoying thoughts.  I reaffirm myself that I am a good person, and all these a**holes aren't really what they are cracked up to be in the first place.  They were created in Marlenaland, which is another bad habit of mine like romanticizing but I've already covered that topic in a previous entry.  Basically, letting go is one hard emotional drug to kick.  I mean the reason why we won't let go of things is because we think we get something out of it.  In most of my cases it's not something great at all because it eventually leads to false ideas of who am I.  I guess that's a realization that I need to keep reminding myself.  I'm getting there Reader, trust me.

My Other Bad Habits:

Talking waaay too loud

Instagram

Texting and Driving

picking my nose

Corney Corner. Just Some Thoughts About Love

I am a romantic and I can't help it.  C'mon, I love romantic comedies, freaky R&B songs, and poetry, a true blue sap.  However, I'm trying to train myself to recognize REAL and MEANINGFUL romance instead the kind that only exists in my pretend world.  Going back to one of my previous entries about looking at the bigger picture, I just need to keep that idea in mind.  I have to keep my over powering romanticizing emotions at bay when I meet someone.  Of course everything is awesome in the beginning, everyone is extra careful and has on their best romance mask.  I have to remind myself that just because I think they've said something profound or clever that I've never heard before doesn't make them the love of my life.  Anyway, I need to slow down this exciting feeling, stretch it out as far as I can to truly get to know the person.  Who knows; this person could be putting on a show and saying everything that they know that I want to hear instead of being real.  Then later on down the road I figure out they are a fraud, my romantic dream crushed and then it's all down hill from there.  Okay, this entry went a little off focus but the point is I'm slowly figuring out that if you can't be yourself with the person that you love, be your real and feel comfortable that this person is enjoying every second of your unique quirks then why the hell are you with them in the first place.  I know it's pretty obvious but sometimes I think that I've found a great person to be with but then I realize they don't really know me as much as I thought they did and viceversa.  I was too caught up in the beginning part of the relationship.  Just stuck on how much they tried to get know me, call me, and want me, that I didn't slow down and figure out if I really even liked them myself.  Anyway, once the chase is over, that's the real test to see if there's actually a real future with this person.  All in all relationships take a lot of work and are more than just the butterflies and excitement in the beginning.  It's about keeping all those feelings alive and figuring out if they are for real.  Wow, I will go back to my original purpose of this entry.  I basically have a new outlook on what I think love should feel like.  How I got to these realizations, well that's a completely different story that isn't quite ready to be revealed to the world wide web as of now.  Anyway:

LOVE.

True love is a thrilling feeling

 of peace and being able to be my

absolute true self

Knowing the good and bad

but completely sure the good always

outweighs the bad on both sides

It's a safe feeling of being able

to express myself

Knowing for a fact this person 

has your back and is always

looking out for my best interest

Sometimes feeling we are 

the same person

Reading each other's minds,

finishing sentences, and

just knowing what to say

at the right place and time

Never running out of things to say

or be absolutely at peace in

each other's silence

True love just happens

to join into my life

naturally and effortlessly

Without a struggle, uncertainty,

and no fear whatsoever

Of course there's respect,

trust, and lust

I believe true love 

without a shadow of a doubt

will be satisfied and so absolutely sure

that all those things will come as natural

as breathing

<3 

Vivian Green - "Beautiful" This Song Goes Out To Every Guy That Broke A/My Heart

WARNING: THIS SONG CONTAINS NO BITTERNESS OR HATRED WHATSOEVER, IF ANYTHING IT'S QUITE THE OPPOSITE.  

"Beautiful" is a dope song that my wonderful friend and soon to be roommate Nikki (hey girl!) introduced me to.  I am a fan of Vivian Green's song "Emotional Roller Coaster," which used to embody the way I felt about my break ups with a few guys that came in and out of my life.  However, this song "Beautiful" is definitely a more mature outlook of letting someone you used to love go.  It's a song about a woman who is at peace with herself and the lyrics just takes the words right out of my mouth. It pretty much sums up what I would say to my ex-somethings, because I'm honestly happy without them in my life but wishing them the best.  

"I used to think that I could not bear you to be with anyone but me
 

But I been there, done that 

And since then I have come to think silly of that whole mentality
 

I still want to find love too
No it won't be with you
 

I wish for everyone to one day find happiness and love

Including you..."